"Your trouble is not that you are attached to your wife, but that you are attached to non-attachment." It's such a profound thought. I'm curious to know how you think this would have translated more directly to the man mourning his wife? How would non-attachment actually look/manifest in that situation? I have taught similar parables when I taught Eastern Philosophy at my old university, and it was sometimes a challenge to get students to that next step and seeing the application of non-attachment in action.
Hmmm... Good question. I think Rev. Gyomay really did direct non-attachment to the man's situation. He was pointing out that his attachment to non-attachment caused his added-on suffering, or the "second arrow" from the Buddha's teaching.
The application of non-attachment is understanding the second noble truth of clinging or grasping. It is our expectations that cause us suffering. And, as Rev. Gyomay pointed out, it is part of life to be attached to our spouses, family, and friends ... and, also, attached to our jobs, reputation, comfort, etc. That in itself is not the trouble. The trouble is in not recognizing that, yes, we will suffer when someone close to us dies, or when we become ill or deal with the effects of aging (old age, sickness, and death). But, looked at from a more contemporary psychological perspective, we meet these things directly and let ourselves feel them so they can then pass by, just like clouds.
Shunryo Suzuki said, let your thoughts come and go. Keep the front door and the back door open. Let them visit, but don't invite them for tea.
Absolutely, thank you so much. Feeling the feelings as they come, and not doubling your suffering by becoming angry with yourself for feeling the feelings in the first place.
"Your trouble is not that you are attached to your wife, but that you are attached to non-attachment." It's such a profound thought. I'm curious to know how you think this would have translated more directly to the man mourning his wife? How would non-attachment actually look/manifest in that situation? I have taught similar parables when I taught Eastern Philosophy at my old university, and it was sometimes a challenge to get students to that next step and seeing the application of non-attachment in action.
Hmmm... Good question. I think Rev. Gyomay really did direct non-attachment to the man's situation. He was pointing out that his attachment to non-attachment caused his added-on suffering, or the "second arrow" from the Buddha's teaching.
The application of non-attachment is understanding the second noble truth of clinging or grasping. It is our expectations that cause us suffering. And, as Rev. Gyomay pointed out, it is part of life to be attached to our spouses, family, and friends ... and, also, attached to our jobs, reputation, comfort, etc. That in itself is not the trouble. The trouble is in not recognizing that, yes, we will suffer when someone close to us dies, or when we become ill or deal with the effects of aging (old age, sickness, and death). But, looked at from a more contemporary psychological perspective, we meet these things directly and let ourselves feel them so they can then pass by, just like clouds.
Shunryo Suzuki said, let your thoughts come and go. Keep the front door and the back door open. Let them visit, but don't invite them for tea.
Am I addressing your question directly?
Absolutely, thank you so much. Feeling the feelings as they come, and not doubling your suffering by becoming angry with yourself for feeling the feelings in the first place.
Or... not suffering twice. That's the second arrow. It's about telling yourself stories and circling around and around about the first "suffering."
Beautiful image, keeping the front and back doors open…
It is! It's one of my favorite teachings.