Life is non-detachable and we are trying to detach ourselves from it…. Attachment occurs only in the dichotomized world. When we are one, there is no attachment.
This is from the essay, “Non-Attachment” read in Episode 14 of the Words From My Teachers podcast and pasted below. (Essay from the book, The Center Within by Rev. Gyomay Kubose.)
Non-Attachment
The mind is tricky; often we do not know in what direction it might move. The most unexpected things can happen in one's own life. Even a thoughtful mind can wind up in trouble. Take for instance the teaching of non-attachment. Recently, I have come across so much confusion concerning the idea of non-attachment. People know I should not become attached to things. However, they are attached to the very idea of non-attachment. This is really the subtle work of the mind.
A man has lost his beloved wife. He thinks of her often and is overwhelmed with sadness. He cries. He says, “I know the teaching of non-attachment. The accident happened and she is gone. I should forget. Why am I crying? Am I a bad Buddhist because I am attached to something that happened in the past? Is crying bad?”
I told him, “You are attached to the idea of non-attachment. Your wife was very dear to you. She meant so much to you. You cannot forget her. She is still with you. Non-attachment is not detachment. When you cry, cry. Crying is not bad. Tears are often beautiful. Your trouble is not that you are attached to your wife, but that you are attached to the idea of non-attachment.”
We have to remember that non-attachment and detachment are two different things. Life is non-detachable and we are trying to detach ourselves from it. This is the difficulty.
You cannot detach yourself from life. You are living. The world consists of subject and object. When this subject and object become one, it is beautiful. When everything is objectified and becomes two, then trouble occurs.
Attachment occurs only in the dichotomized world. When we are one, there is no attachment. Attachment means two. When you dichotomize things into two, then you become a victim and a slave. The true life is oneness and from oneness comes non-attachment. Non-attachment is living one life. There is only oneness, the oneness of all things.
"Your trouble is not that you are attached to your wife, but that you are attached to non-attachment." It's such a profound thought. I'm curious to know how you think this would have translated more directly to the man mourning his wife? How would non-attachment actually look/manifest in that situation? I have taught similar parables when I taught Eastern Philosophy at my old university, and it was sometimes a challenge to get students to that next step and seeing the application of non-attachment in action.